Child actively refusing visitation

So in this video we have a child who is actively refusing to go with her father. There are several things that are being done correct her. First, the visitation is occurring at a public place, in this case a police station. This ensures that there will be an audience and that father can not say that the child was not present at visitation. Next, notice that the mother does not interact initially with the father. She tries to remain a neutral party and is only videotaping for her own protection. Unfortunately at the end she does begin to engage with the other party. Also note that the child herself is refusing the visitation. She refuses to let the father touch her and is clear that she will not be leaving with the father. She clearly articulates why she will not go with the father.

For all those who are wondering whether the police will assist the father, note that the police intervened to prevent the child from yelling. They did not arrest the child. They did not assist the father. They did not force her to go. In fact their intervention actually made the father back off his harassment of her. The police have no interest in getting involved in a bitter custody battle, even if it is occurring on their doorstep.

There are however things that could be done differently, and will make the case stronger if the father persists in forcing the issue. The child should try to remain positive but firm. Choose one statement to say over and over again. In her case, she should say " I will not leave with you because you have a history of abusing me and I am afraid". That is it and say no more. By engaging with him she is furthering his pursuit of her. In addition, anything she says regarding the incident could be used against her in a future custody evaluation. By remaining polite but firm, the father can not paint her as being immature or disrespectful.

The mother can also help the situation but not engaging whatsoever with whomever is with the father. She does not defend, she does not engage. The mother and the child should consider whether it would be beneficial for the mother to wait in the car. The can discuss it before hand. This may be helpful because then the father can not accuse the mother of assisting the child in visitation refusal. Remember, in cases such as these the litigants are likely to be in front of a judge again. The judge is the audience here, it is not about getting back at the dad. His only power is to go back to court and the judge needs to see an independent polite child who clearly has a reason to refuse visitation and who is firm in her resolve.

What is visitation refusal?

Visitation refusal is simply refusing to abide by the current custody plan that is in place. This is sometimes differentiated in court as to who is doing the refusal: the custodial parent or the child. It is important that any visitation refusal is done by the child and not by the parent for several reasons. First, the child is actually not a litigant in the ongoing custody battle and as such, the judge has limited discretion to punish the child. Don't get me wrong, several children have been sent to jail by rouge family court judges. However, first the judge has to get you in custody which is often easier said then done.
The most important reason that visitation refual must be done by you, rather than your custodial parent, is because the judge will try to crucify your custodial parent given the choice. The judge does not care aboout you or your family. They are likely handling 10-15 custody cases per day, and they couldn't pick you out of a line up. However, they think they known everything and have a lot of disdain for any litigant that appears to be violating their orders. They will send custodial parents to jail if they think they are not abiding by the rules. It's called contempt of court, and judges throw it around like a spoiled toddler who is not getting their way. The idea that they could be wrong has never once crossed their minds. But it might, if you make that big of a stink out of it.
The ideal visitation refusal occurs at a school. Your non custodial parent is supposed to pick you up when school is out, but you decide not to be there. Your custodial parent is generally in the clear here, they delivered you to school. They "facilitated" visitation. You just decided not to show at the appropriate time and place. Go do what you want. If called on the carpet about the matter, feign ignorance. Tell your non custodial parent, you forgot. Look, if they want to treat you like a kid, then act that way. The other option is to lie. Tell your custodial parent that the other parent didn't show up. Tell them you waited there and no one ever came. Bonus points if you  post it on Facebook or tweet that your non custodial parent didn't show. You need to create as much evidence as possible that the current custody visitation is not working. So do what you have to do.
If you don't go with the parent understand that there may be consequences. Especially for your custodial parent. She may be more concerned about not pissing off the judge than about caring for you. Don't be too hard on her though. She would love to do what is best for you, she just has been beaten down by the system. If you think your custodial parent may send you back with your non-custodial parent when you come back home, try to stay out as long as possible. No one wants to be dealing with all this stuff late at night. If you can, sneak back in your room and make everyone deal with it in the morning. Also know, in some cases judges have ordered the other parent to discipline you if you refuse to go to visitation. So your custodial parent mey do that, even if they agree with your decision. Again, your job in this struggle is to pretend like your custodial parent is angry with you. Write an email to your non custodial parent explaining that your mother has grounded you. Update your status that she took away your PS3. Remember in court, it's not what any one knows, it's what they can prove. Make it easier to prove that your custodial parent tried to make you go to visitation. Make it easy to prove that you are punished wen you don't go. It doesn't matter whether it's the truth or not. Family courts don't care about the truth. And they don''t care about you. Then again, if your reading this blog, you already know that.

What Do I Need to Have for Fighting Visitation?

First off, fighting visitation can be a long war so be prepared. However, like the old proverb states: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Your custody order can state whatever it wants, it is your decision whether you plan to follow it or not. So what do you need to fight visitation.
1. You need Nerves of Steel
This is going to be a lengthy process. Your going to piss off both of your parents. Everyone will be mad at you and you may get in trouble. Take a deep breath.  Accept that this will happen. Sometimes you just have to be an asshole. Embrace your role.
2. You Need a Safe Place to Keep Things
Your best friend will be very useful in this regard. See if you can keep private stuff at their house. If your school keeps track of whose lockers belong to which students, see if you can convince them to switch lockers with you. I say this because your parents can request to search your locker at anytime, and they can confiscate any of your things. But if no one knows which locker is truly yours, then you can use it to store important things. This is especially useful if you get picked up from school by your non-custodial parent.
3. You need Some Money.
No you should not be carrying cash with you. But if you can convince your family members to support you, see if they will give you a prepaid VISA card for around 200 bucks. They can pick it up at the grocery store, so it can never be traced back to them. A card is very easy to under the lining of your shoe when your stuck at visitation, and most Nazi non-custodial parents ( NCP) won't look there.
4. You need an Untraceable cell phone
Now you need to keep your old phone, and your NCP should see you use your regular phone. If you don't, they will get suspicious. This phone needs to be used in case of Emergency. Some NCP's will take your regular cell phone upon arrival to their house, but they won't find your hidden one. But you should never be without access to a phone, especially with a parent who drinks or is violent.
If you have the things here, you have already gotten yourself prepared to fight for yourself. Don't be a victim to the court system, or to your parents. You can be miserable and wait to cut off your parent until your 18 or you can do it now. Don't except the bullshit they are feeding you, get prepared to fight back.

How to Fight Getting on a Plane

Long distance visitation is a pain in the ass. For everyone, least of all you. You have been ordered by a judge to leave behind your friend's, pets, hobbies, bedroom and life for 2-3 months just to make someone else happy. You may have gone along with it for years but by about 12 years old you can begin to fight back against this yearly hassle. And it's easy. Don't get on the plane.
First off, inform your non-custodial parent that you do not plan on attending visitation this summer. Do it via email or facebook or text if at all possible. Be calm and clear. Realize that the other parent is probably going to choose two different responses. Negotiation or Terrorism.
1. Negotiation
Your parent will probably say something along the lines of " I'll let you go home early".  Warning, it's trap. Haven't you ever seen a Lifetime Movie? As soon as they get you where they want you then they will never willingly drive you back to the airport. Once they've got you, you're stuck.
2. Terrorism
Expect to hear " I'm the ADULT and you will do as I say!" Oh Really. That's what they think. don't start a fight. Never agree to terrorist demands.
Either answer is unacceptable. You have made your decision. Hopefully you have articulated it in a clear rational manner and now you need to enforce that decision. By not getting on the plane.

There is no need to create a huge scene at the airport. However, the airport is where you want the battle to occur. This fight is not with the custodial parent, so don't make it one.  Get in the car, pack your luggage, and go to the Gate. If your non custodial parent is a Terrorist, then he will likely try to throw your other parent in jail. It happens when your judge is trying to be a hardass.. And guess where the courts will try to send you after that.

When you arrive at the gate the next step is to ask to speak to one of the flight attendants. Tell them that you are required to spend time with your non custodial parent and you re choosing not to get on the plane. Expect some resistance.  Be clear that you do not wish to cause a scene on the plane, but that you will if necessary. Do not threaten anyone. In ten years from now you don't want to end up on a "No Fly" List.

Expect the airport police to come. Again state your plan to not fly. Ask to leave with your other parent. Your other parent is probably in full on freak out mode. She expected you to leave. She is worried aout getting in trouble. But the truth is, once the flight crew says you can't fly, there is nothing they can do about it either. Don't be the bad guy, call your non-custodial parent and explain that you are at the airport and that you will not be flying today or any other day. You and the other parent may end up milling about for a while, but I guarantee you airport security will send you back home.

Congratulations you have made your stand. You will be in trouble. But you will be in trouble at your own damn house.