Simply stating that you don't want to go over to the other parent's house is not effective. You must give concrete reasons why the current custody plan is not working. The best way to do this is to look at what the opposition things are reasonable visitation issue.
From Divorce360 here are 25 reasons why your child doesn't want to visit you.
25 Things You Might Be Doing Wrong
By KENIA MALDONADO
Ever wonder why your child doesn't want to visit you? Here are 25 reasons to consider.
1. You have never really built a relationship with the child.
2. You are constantly speaking negative about the other parent.
3. You are not spending one on one time with the child.
4. You are constantly yelling, screaming and complaining about things.
5. You constantly cancel visits.
6. You make promises you can’t keep.
7. You show up late for visits.
8. You are controlling and are not letting the child voice their opinion.
9. You are not asking the child about his/her feelings.
10. You are not planning for the visit in advance (fun activities).
11. You are mentally and/or physically abusive towards the child.
12. You are neglecting the child’s needs.
13. You are constantly badgering the child to give up information about the other parent.
14. You are not encouraging the child to visit.
15. You forget the child’s birthday and gift along with other special dates.
16. You are not honest and the child does not trust you.
17. You blame the divorce on the child or the other parent.
18. You show favoritism for one child.
19. You always bring your girlfriend/boyfriend on the visit.
20. You are always putting your child in an uncomfortable situation.
21. You tell the child to keep a secret from the other parent.
22. You are not allowing the child to speak to the other parent while the child is with you.
23. You are not cool or fun enough to hang out with.
24. You tell the child “the courts says you have to visit.”
25. You use a negative tone with the child (you are not going home).
1. You have never really built a relationship with the child.
2. You are constantly speaking negative about the other parent.
3. You are not spending one on one time with the child.
4. You are constantly yelling, screaming and complaining about things.
5. You constantly cancel visits.
6. You make promises you can’t keep.
7. You show up late for visits.
8. You are controlling and are not letting the child voice their opinion.
9. You are not asking the child about his/her feelings.
10. You are not planning for the visit in advance (fun activities).
11. You are mentally and/or physically abusive towards the child.
12. You are neglecting the child’s needs.
13. You are constantly badgering the child to give up information about the other parent.
14. You are not encouraging the child to visit.
15. You forget the child’s birthday and gift along with other special dates.
16. You are not honest and the child does not trust you.
17. You blame the divorce on the child or the other parent.
18. You show favoritism for one child.
19. You always bring your girlfriend/boyfriend on the visit.
20. You are always putting your child in an uncomfortable situation.
21. You tell the child to keep a secret from the other parent.
22. You are not allowing the child to speak to the other parent while the child is with you.
23. You are not cool or fun enough to hang out with.
24. You tell the child “the courts says you have to visit.”
25. You use a negative tone with the child (you are not going home).
Let's break these things down and see how to use them and present them.
1. Your bored. This is not a valid reason to your evaluator. However, you can give several examples to illustrate that you are bored which are more likely to get your point across.
The wrong way: "I'm bored, my friends aren't here, and I want to go home."
The right way: " Last weekend my dad watched the morning football game, the afternoon football game and then we had to watch the ESPN after show. I tried to tell him that I was okay watching one game but he said he wanted to watch all of them. I tried to get my homework done on the kitchen table but the TV was loud and he kept yelling at the TV. He didn't even notice when I went to my room to be by myself".
The wrong way: "We never go anywhere I want".
The right way: "I've asked my dad to take me to the park or to the movies and but he always says we can do it later. But later never comes. I've tried to get him to take me to my friend's house's or parties but he always says no. There aren't any kids my age around so when he tells me to go outside to play I just end up walking around the neighborhood by myself"
2. You feel caught in the middle. You are in the middle, but the judge or evaluator doesn't want to believe it. They live in fantasy world where you are expected to split your life between two houses but not notice it. Remember, they're crazy, and you can't fight crazy. You can however paint your non favored parent as the one causing the difficulty.
The wrong way: "I hate that my parents got divorced. It's not fair that my parent's aren't together"
The right way: "When I got to my dad's he always asks me a bunch of questions about my mom and who she is dating. It makes me really uncomfortable. When I try to tell him I don't want to talk about it he yells at me. When I do tell him anything, he calls my mom a slut and a whore.
The wrong way: " My dad doesn't understand that I have feelings too. I'm tired of being pulled in two different directions"
.
The right way: " Last weekend I told my dad that I had a really important game and I wanted to go and my mom was willing to work something out but he said No. He says that it is "his" time and if I don't go he will send my mom to jail. He showed me some paperwork which says that the judge can make me do anything he says. I don't understand everything in the paperwork but he says it means he owns me on the weekends. I asked my mom but she says these are grown up matters.
3. Your other parent doesn't really care. Listen, you and I both know that some people just make shitty parents. You knew it when your parents were still together and it's still true now. If there wasn't child support involved you wouldn't have to go through this. But your other parent gets a reduction in child support the more he sees you so he is gonna make your life miserable to save a few dollars. Sucks to be you.
The wrong way: "He doesn't even care about me. He's a jerk"
The right way: "" It's really hard when my dad says he's going to pick me up but then he doesn't. Sometimes I have to sit at school and wait for a long time for him to come. My friend's will walk by and ask why I'm still at school and I don't want to have to tell them that my dad forgot me again. My mom says he is really busy and it has nothing to do with me, but that doesn't really help me when he doesn't show up again.
The wrong way: "I hate his girlfriend. He always brings her along"
The right way: "I really want to spend time with my dad but it's really hard when he brings along his girlfriend. I'm sure she is nice but when I ask to spend alone time with my dad she gets mad. Then she spends the rest of the day slamming dishes and my dad yells at me for making her feel bad. My dad says that she's my new mom and I have to listen because she is an adult but I don't even know her.
These are just suggestions to try to get your voice heard. It doesn't matter if they're true or not. If your other parent doesn't know what your planning they won't be prepared or writing in their diary about what really happened. The plan is to get the custody you want. And it doesn't really matter how you do it. So take these reasons and come up with an example for each reason. Put these examples in letters to friend's, your diary, or on Facebook. Two months later you will have ammo to fight for what you want.
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